We all have a moment that we can reflect on as being one of our darkest moments.
Mine was one afternoon driving at crazy speeds, heart hurting, mental confusion, spirit tired, and emotionally depleted. I didn’t care if I lived or died that day. I couldn’t see reason or even consider those who loved me and what they would have to deal with if I didn’t make it home. It all just hurt too much to think about.
I was hopeful that I didn’t make the corner or that the truck would finish it for me. I didn’t care that I would be transported to meet my maker (who I was afraid of striking me out). I just didn’t care. I will say that again… I just didn’t care.
That day is etched within my brain so clearly. After my spurts of ridiculous speeds and unsafe driving I arrived at my home and just sat in my car distraught seeing my children playing in the distance. Why oh why could I ever allow that moment of insanity to take over me and not care? Then I dealt with the guilt of how not only had I almost given up on me but on the most precious things I had been blessed with.
But that day had to come for me. It had to take me to the pit for me to decide I needed help. I needed to find the ‘me’ that I knew was under there somewhere. I had to put the light on again to find my way gently gently back to peace.
That moment become the catalyst for so much in my life. It meant that my rock bottom would take me in ways that I never saw coming. It took me through doors that I never thought I was brave enough to enter. It meant I broke through barriers that I thought impossible.
It meant I learnt to honour and cherish myself so that what I gave to others was an extension of what I gave to myself. No longer depleted from my giving. I found ways that feed my soul without harbouring guilt, shame and fear. It meant I now understood the pain but now become more compassion of others in pain. It meant I now could have compassion instead of judgement. It meant I could stand at my post with my light on for myself as much as for others.
It means I can turn up every day ready to be of service to those who need the light on…
To those who are ready to walk through to brighter futures.
To those who are ready to become curious for new growth.
To those who are ready to embrace that they are more than enough.
To those who are ready to do it differently.
To those who are ready to make a commitment to themselves.
To those who are ready to embark those life’s crossroads.
To those who I can hold space gently as you begin to see yourself as I see you. BE * YOU *TIFUL.
It was all perfect.
And it will be for you too. Use it to lift you higher.
I love you.